Time to Pretend

Faceinhole.com is a nifty little website where you can put someone's face, well, in a hole. (Unfortunately, the hole I'm referring to neither smells nor oozes. I know, those are my favorite, too!) I love the surprisingly easy functionality, the numerous templates ranging from sexy to silly, and the thorough amusement provided--despite the whole thing being an absolute waste of time. That's Bernard in both of the examples displayed. I also took the liberty of replacing Angelina Jolie with my cheesy mug. Yeah. You're welcome. You never had it so good!

Damaged

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were — I have not seen
As others saw — I could not bring
My passions from a common spring —
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow — I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone —
And all I lov’d — I lov’d alone —
Then — in my childhood — in the dawn
Of a most stormy life — was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still —
From the torrent, or the fountain —
From the red cliff of the mountain —
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold —
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by —
From the thunder, and the storm —
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view —

-Alone, by Edgar Allan Poe

Wear You Out

LR Delia Snakeskin in Taupe $430

Loeffler Randall has recently branched out into boots and clothing, but what really started it all for the brand were the beautifully crafted, astronomically priced flats. One pair could cut you back 300+ dollars, but when you'd slip one on, you'd feel where that money goes (lining the pockets of the smirking company, duh). Then you'd cry into your Forever 21 shopping bag because paying that much for shoes that don't even have a 24K gold stiletto heel or splashy red soles just hurts. Which is why I've never owned any of their stuff. Until Target!

Thank you, Target. Thank you for your brilliant Go International campaign, for putting cheap fabrics into the hands of world-famous designers to make attire for the regular folks. You have brought fashion to the poor, ugly masses, and for that, we are eternally grateful. And now, it gets even better. Because Target's Loeffler Randall collection, already cheap from the start, is currently 75% off. Oh, happy day!

These satchels were originally priced at $49.99. Now, they're only $12.49! I ordered both colors, and I'm just going to keep one. I'll probably give the other one to my mom. For a rich lady, she tends to walk around lugging plastic bags like the world's a perpetual flea market. This should spice up her outfit a bit, and it's probably cheaper than some of those hideously printed fabric bags she carries on occasion!

I bought those black ballet flats full price when this collection first debuted, and I haven't even worn them yet! I should've just waited, because they've dropped from $29.99 to $7.49. So with that in mind, I had to order the pink pair on the bottom. I love them. I love them! I don't care if B hates flats! Seven forty-nine! I should buy more, but I'm being realistic here. I bought the black pair back in January and haven't worn them, so I'm not going to go crazy with all the different colors and styles. I'll leave that to you.

Last but not least, all the clutches are now $4.99, instead of $19.99. Five freakin' dollars for some of the cutest stuff ever! But the only one I indulged in was the woven clutch in cream, which I'll probably return because the reviews aren't that great, and I've never seen them in person at the store. We'll see how it goes when everything arrives in the mail. Go spoil yourselves with some $7 flats, bitches!

Shake It Off

I just returned from spending the day hanging out with Isaac and Pumpkin. I decided that I had to break things off; to keep seeing each other would be pointless and somewhat detrimental. Our beliefs are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum--he's a hardcore, conservative Jew who supports the war and thinks global warming is a hoax, while I'm a bleeding liberal/pacifist who scorns organized religion and digs through trash for bits to recycle. He's a neat-freak to the OCD degree; I'm a sheepish slob. He takes dozens of vitamins a day and is a gym buff; I consider fast food a dietary staple and hardly ever move from bed. I'm surprised we tolerated one another for as long as we did. Plus, the guy has been living in LA and has no social life; the only real new friend he has made is me. One friend. In six months. Having me around is seriously preventing him from breaking out of his loner tendencies to make connections with new people. I really hope that this'll motivate him to go out and mingle!

That being said, Isaac really is a wonderful guy. He handled the demise of our dating like a champ. Sure, it's a bit early to say, but I really think we'll be able to stay good friends. (Then again, I'm always naively optimistic in these situations.) If you can stomach his political stance, or even, God forbid, uphold them, then you've got yourself a catch. He's an affectionate sweetheart, a dork complete with corny but funny jokes, an animal lover (he's so good to Pumpkin), an ambitiously hard worker, a knowledgeable history buff (these photos were taken while he was answering my query of why such anti-Semitic views exist--a daunting question to undertake!), an expert with computers, and a caring and helpful friend. He speaks fluent Russian, writes extremely well, talks to his grandmothers on a nearly daily basis, and has a degree from UCSC in Islamic History. He's awesome...just not the one for me. If anyone's interested, holla and I will hook it up!

Haha, in that last pic, Pumpkin did a lick and run. Man, so I guess I'm pretty much single right now! It feels...nice? Look, don't expect eloquence and profundity from a post written at 2am after a somewhat emotionally draining event. I guess I made it sound all breezy, but I really had to muster up a lot of courage to finally blurt out my feelings. Break-ups are never easy, but this one was the smoothest one ever. What a relief! Happy Cinco de Mayo! I'm freeeeeeeeeee!!

L.E.S. Artistes

Ok, let's see how many blogs I can squeeze in right now. If I can do one more after this one, I'll feel pretty accomplished. I really should be showering 'cause I'm durty-durty, but B hasn't called yet so I think he's still getting drunk at McCormick & Schmick's happy hour. Anyway, remember my blog about Shopbop's amazing sale, and how I was supposed to get all up on that? I didn't end up buying anything from there! However, what I did manage to procure makes me 10x happier than any dress that would've hung up in my closet for eons.

See, what happened was, I really couldn't decide which color of the KZ dress to buy. So I called up B's European, fashion-conscious ass, because I value his opinion. He was in Ireland at the time, but luckily right by his laptop. Well, he proceeded to just bitch me out. "What is this?! It's so ugly! It looks like a curtain! There's no form to it at all! Why do you always insist on wearing fat girl clothes?! You cannot buy this." While I completely disagreed, and while I still think that dress is cute, I couldn't stomach purchasing it, knowing how much he hated it. After all, I haven't bought one stitch of brown clothing in the past three years because B deems the hue unflattering on me!

However, my disappointment dissipated when I checked my email right after we got off the phone. A few days earlier, I had made an inquiry to Gallery 1988 in San Francisco regarding their Stella Im Hultberg mini print set. I didn't think they would have any left, but the email reassured me that plenty were still available. I placed an order right then and there, before I could change my mind. I'm so stoked! I received four beautiful 4x5 prints for about $96 shipped:

Aren't they stunning?! They're signed and a limited edition of 500. I'm pretty sure there are some left, too! So, instead of clothes, I bought some art, and I'm pretty darn pleased with my purchase. I'm going to close out this post with a couple of my favorite pieces from her last solo show:

Lost Unfound

Vera

P.S. I Love You

Dre gave me this book last Christmas, Other People's Love Letters, which I believe she found in some artsy shop in San Francisco. The last book she gave me was Jenna Jameson's autobiography, so let's just say she knows how to pick 'em. When I finally opened it up, I happened to be PMSing. Bad move. I ended up bawling throughout most of it, and being in a pretty dark mood afterwards. For one thing, a good number of the "love" letters were actually breakup notes! "I dreamt about passing over this bridge so many times. I want you back so bad. Part of me is fighting for that. The other part is struggling to forget but wanting to remember the first time. In Detroit. I touched your face." Ok, so it isn't bloody Shakespeare, but it's enough to get a hormonal bitch going, ok?

The book covers a pretty wide and varied selection, ranging from horny little Post-It notes, to a handwritten letter from 1911, to harsh and wordy emails. But still, I closed it with the lingering feeling of dissatisfaction. It just wasn't nearly enough to cover the scope of something as grand as love, and I know I'm being unfair with such high expectations. But there is one thing pretty cool about my particular copy, though. You know how with the PostSecret books, there's a trend of people slipping in their own secrets on postcards in book stores? Somebody put a little note in this book! Unfortunately, they didn't complete it. So here's all I have, and I'll leave it open to interpretation: