I Kissed a Girl

I just finished kicking Phil's ass--again, yawn--in our game of the moment, Blokus. I can't help that I keep trumping him so soundly. It's a gift. However, as long as Colburn lives, I shall not rest until I bring that focker down! Seriously though, this game is more addictive than crack. And pretty much as bad for you. People get verbally abusive when they're losing.

Somebody explain why she's trying to lick my fo'head?!

I have to post these new pics before they disappear into the depths of my laziness. I still haven't posted the ones from Vegas, and that was back in July! These are from last weekend at Blue Velvet. Five minutes after arriving, a very nice young man bought me one shot of chilled Grey Goose, from which proceeded heavy inebriation and blotchy purple skin for the rest of the night. No joke. I drove home five hours later with an alcohol-induced headache.

Trang and me: five years later, nothing changes.

Seriously, looking at that pic reminds me that my hair is too effin long and gross. I'm so done with this horse-weave. All I want for Christmas from B is his permission to chop that shit off.

Yeah, I know, this isn't a very informative post or anything; I've been exhausted from my full schedule lately. Playing Blokus five hours a day just wears you out! Haha. I'm going to bed. With my gorgeous pit bull. And I get free pizza from Pizza Hut tomorrow. Yeah, top that!

Summertime

I just returned from the madness of my first Six Man tourny over at Manhattan Beach. Good God! It was like Halloween meets Mardi Gras meets a beach blowout. Despite the huge signs all over the city strictly forbidding alcohol on the beach, that stuff was everywhere. Enterprise, where Jen works, had a tent set up and a big cooler of margaritas. Jen proceeded to get her buzz on, while I declined as usual. I did, however, take half a Jello shot when I ran into Charlene, whom I haven't seen in years! She was completely drunk (you can tell because she gets this vacant, vacuous look in her eyes that would be really scary if she weren't so freakin' gorgeous), and told us she'd been giving out her jiggly shots to the ladies if they gave back some jiggly bare chesticles. I promised to come back to flash see her later, but I forgot which booth was hers. Plus it really was so ridiculously crowded that it was a miracle I even found her in the first place.

I'm not really taller than Char. She's on her knees.

Jen milkin' the goodies at the Enterprise tent.

I've been beaching it a lot this summer, which is great. I usually only do that whenever Tomo's in town, since she's the ultimate beach bum. But ever since Brad took me to the Huntington Beach dog beach, I've been all over it. I went there last weekend with Bernard, then again yesterday with my mom and cousin (and, of course, my precious Pumpkin pie).

Momma Ho and Shelby

Look how happy she is in the water! And plus it totally gives her a chance to interact with other dogs, which is so great because she has so few friends (the dog-owners around here are lame; they all back off when they see my pit bull stroll down the street). BTW, the water yesterday was incredibly refreshing, surprisingly clear, and thoroughly enjoyable.

Anyway, I guess the point of this post is just to put up some pics...and to say that summer is definitely my favorite season, and I <3 SoCal.

Who Are You

I shut down my Friendster page, so I'm going to put the pictures here or else they'll disappear forever. Which wouldn't be so terrible, come to think of it. After all, these are the sluttiest of the social-networking bunch; it went from Lesbo-Makeout-Whore on Friendster, to Still-Somewhat-Skanky on Myspace, to Nerdy-McBookworm (right?) on Facebook. All are legitimate aspects of my character, but I just feel that as I get older it becomes less appropriate to bare it all to the public. But these pix really are the last of their kind; over the years I've broken and lost laptops, and when you don't "back up," losing files and memories just comes with the territory. Since I've pilfered them directly off Friendster, the quality's going to be God-awful.

The reason this pic is so teeny is because I resized it for my LiveJournal icon. Now it's the only copy I have left in the world to remind me of one of the craziest nights of debauchery ever. At least, I think it was that night. It was definitely at Rob's house (Filipino Rob, not Abercrombie Rob), probably during the summer of 2002. We had a lot of crazy nights that involved partying, drugs, and making out. See, I've always been a horny bitch, but I've never been able to give it up to just anyone. I have to care about and like the person a lot to spread my legs. In spite of that, I still made some pretty dumb choices. But that's for some other entry, some other day. So I'd just do my fair share of kissing as a sad substitute for sex. That's Tomo (on the right) and me, back when she had super short locks.

Good GOD. I went semi-blond for a summer. It was one time (ok, ok, twice if you count that I went back to do the roots a few weeks later), and it'll never happen again, I swear! I can't even remember when this was taken, but I'm thinking summer of 2003? I believe this was at a house party, but my memory fails to provide any other details. Look how thin my eyebrows were! Blech!

Ok, my best guess for this is early 2000's, but that's all I can tell you. This is Kelly (on the right) and me, and I think this was at her Jamba Juice coworker's house in Manhattan Beach. Renee, another girl and coworker, was there along with the guy whose parents owned the house. None of us were attracted to him (except maybe Renee?) so I have no idea why the hell Kelly and I are gargling one another's tonsils. It wasn't for attention, and it wasn't because we were hot for one another (we're best friends!) so go figure. I know I was buzzed, and maybe she was drunk, so that's probably what did it. Heh. I remember when I posted this, I made it black and white because my face was redonkulously red from the alcohol.

I totally remember this shot of Trang (on the right) and me. This was done purely for attention; it was the summer (either '02 or '03) we met a group of cute ass mofos from Idaho (Iowa?) living next door to Rob. We were both hung up on assholes who never could, and never would, make us happy, so these boys were a welcome distraction. So we kissed each other and played it up for the whooping fellas. I ended up making out with the hottest one on the very first night, while Trang snagged herself the other hottie of the crew. Good times.

So there you have it. Putting it on my blog is like recording it for posterity ("Look all the hot bitches mommy used to bag! Can you say vagina?"). These pictures are no longer just out there on a single page, one click away for anyone to see. But yeah, I do have a soft spot for Friendster--it's how Bernard found me years later after our initial meeting! Before I closed the account, I tried to save the very first message he sent me. Unfortunately, Friendster had wiped out the info. Bastards. Speaking of B, someone has stolen his pictures on Myspace. Some girl was browsing and saw the other guy, then did a double-take when she found the real B only a few moments later. She was nice enough to send him a message with the link. How creepy is that?!

21 Questions

Alright, I'm squeezing in one more blog, and then I'm going to sleep until 5pm. A few of us leftover from those Abercrombie days reunited last week for Robby. Jesus, how did a whole week pass already?! I meant to blog about it that very night! Anyway, Robby had an 11hr layover in LA, en route from South Korea to Michigan. We all got together and headed to the beach, grabbing dinner at Hennessey's on the Hermosa Strand. (My "Moo Cluck Oink Burger" was divine: fried egg, bacon, and cheddar cheese on top of the fluffiest, juiciest meat.) I hardly ever see these guys, but every time I do, it ends up being the most hilarious, utterly twisted, and thoroughly enjoyable time ever.

It was sunset, so the light was fading. Me and Rob.

So allow me to introduce my boys:
Chuck: Former coworker at A&F, who is a finance whiz and got me an almost 40% return on my investment--during these bearish times! Mad Money fanatic, typical yuppie, Howard Stern devotee, all tied together with a surprisingly good heart (he's from the South, ya'll).
Robby: Former manager at A&F, who is credited for initially bringing everyone together for good times. Avid blogger, voracious writer, and a hopelessly horny romantic. Plans on marrying his gf back home...then again, he says that about every girl he falls for, lol.
Rick: Former coworker turned manager at A&F, he's the reason I was able to stay on payroll and get the 30% discount without ever really working. Basketballer, working on his Master's, and also a hopelessly horny romantic. Rollercoaster of a love life lately, telenovela-style!

The Dorks (L to R): Chuck, Robby, Rick

So they like to play a game called "Would You Rather," which originated in the stores during closing time when the pounding, throbbing music would be turned off, and the eery silence looming over the employees folding clothes would force them to probe into the dark corners of their minds. Typical guy shit would be the grossest stuff you could conjure up, while girls would usually ask, "Would you rather date her...or her? [giggle]" Robby is disturbingly good at this game. "Would you rather take a double shot of heavy flow...oooooooor...take a double shot of really thick spooge? Would you rather give a blow job to a male dog oooooooor go down on a female one?" (The guys unanimously agreed to gobble canine carpet.) Seriously, when these guys get together, it's like an explosion of perverted wit and quips.

Rick: Would you rather get anal raped by a homeless guy with AIDS...except that his dick has spikes...oooooooor--
Rob: What do you mean spikes? Like, thorns?
Rick: Yeah. So not only are you getting AIDS, but you're getting torn up. Oooooor, you get a sex change operation.
Rob: Oh shit. That's a hard one. Uhm...I'd pick the homeless guy.
Me: Really?!
Rob: Yeah! I could probably survive AIDS; I don't want to go through life with a vagina!

Rob: Would you rather be in a room with your parents and have to finger your grandma without anyone knowing, oooooooor be at a family reunion with all your extended family, everyone, and have to give a blow job to Rick on a stage?
Chuck: I'd finger Grandma and tell everyone about it!

Later, after Megan (the girl Rick is dating) left, Rick and Chuck were on my case because I had gushed about her attractiveness.

Chuck: You totally want her, don't you?
Me: I don't want her, but I think she's really pretty.
Rick: Ok, but would you do anything with her? If you had the chance?
Me: [shrug] Probably.
Rick: That is messed up.
Me: What?!
Rick: I would never go behind your back and hook up with Bernard...again. I would never again sleep with him behind your back!

Haha. I love those losers.

Lolli Lolli

YES! I finally found my camera charger, so I was able to upload some new/old pix. I think we all agree it's time to retire this one from Myspace, because I'm freaking 25 years old and, let's face it, publicly whoring it up just ain't cute anymore. I will, however, leave it here along with some details. This was taken October of 2006, during Nancy's 25th birthday bash at Tao in Vegas. I had one shot of Grey Goose, half a mimosa, and I was tossed. Since I rarely get shitfaced, Bernard used it fully to his advantage, and eagerly snapped pics of me and Nance making out. Soon after, she began hurling into the champagne bucket. I took one look, desperately attempted to gulp down the bile, then shoved her aside to project my own vomit into the mix. Yeah, boy! I've got the sexiest stories on the street! Don't make me break out my baby bathtub shots!

I should also take down those hoochie pix on my Friendster from baaaack in the day. Dude, I should just shut down that account. I haven't checked it in years. I'll do that later. My sleeping schedule has been effed lately. It's starting to have an effect on my disposition. I had to play with myself twice today just to get some homework done! (Jaime Pressly's softcore stint in the Poison Ivy series never lets me down. Oomf!) But I have a good excuse for being so nocturnal, seriously! I don't want to talk about it too much though, because I'm afraid to jinx it. Let's just wait and see what happens; it's at that beginning stage where it could go either way. But I really haven't felt this giddy in quite some time now. >_<

Shake It Off

I just returned from spending the day hanging out with Isaac and Pumpkin. I decided that I had to break things off; to keep seeing each other would be pointless and somewhat detrimental. Our beliefs are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum--he's a hardcore, conservative Jew who supports the war and thinks global warming is a hoax, while I'm a bleeding liberal/pacifist who scorns organized religion and digs through trash for bits to recycle. He's a neat-freak to the OCD degree; I'm a sheepish slob. He takes dozens of vitamins a day and is a gym buff; I consider fast food a dietary staple and hardly ever move from bed. I'm surprised we tolerated one another for as long as we did. Plus, the guy has been living in LA and has no social life; the only real new friend he has made is me. One friend. In six months. Having me around is seriously preventing him from breaking out of his loner tendencies to make connections with new people. I really hope that this'll motivate him to go out and mingle!

That being said, Isaac really is a wonderful guy. He handled the demise of our dating like a champ. Sure, it's a bit early to say, but I really think we'll be able to stay good friends. (Then again, I'm always naively optimistic in these situations.) If you can stomach his political stance, or even, God forbid, uphold them, then you've got yourself a catch. He's an affectionate sweetheart, a dork complete with corny but funny jokes, an animal lover (he's so good to Pumpkin), an ambitiously hard worker, a knowledgeable history buff (these photos were taken while he was answering my query of why such anti-Semitic views exist--a daunting question to undertake!), an expert with computers, and a caring and helpful friend. He speaks fluent Russian, writes extremely well, talks to his grandmothers on a nearly daily basis, and has a degree from UCSC in Islamic History. He's awesome...just not the one for me. If anyone's interested, holla and I will hook it up!

Haha, in that last pic, Pumpkin did a lick and run. Man, so I guess I'm pretty much single right now! It feels...nice? Look, don't expect eloquence and profundity from a post written at 2am after a somewhat emotionally draining event. I guess I made it sound all breezy, but I really had to muster up a lot of courage to finally blurt out my feelings. Break-ups are never easy, but this one was the smoothest one ever. What a relief! Happy Cinco de Mayo! I'm freeeeeeeeeee!!

Mr. Pink Eyes

A couple of weeks ago, Bernard had one of the "gnarliest" cases of pink eye anyone I know has ever seen. He seriously looked like one of the infected from 28 Days Later. It started in one eye, and soon traveled to the other one. It was pretty gross. I mean, I've had conjunctivitis in the past, but it always went away overnight. Who knew that pink eye could fester in the retinas for an average of 7-10 days?! Plus, the eye usually displays a somewhat rosy hue, hence the name. B's eyes were a demonic, glowing shade of crimson.

Hollywood movie magic eyes

Over the weekend, he was supposed to go out with his friends, but nixed the idea. I thought he was overreacting--but then again, I chose to stay in because my skin was super pimply, so who was I to criticize? Then I saw the damage myself, heard his stories of public reaction, and acknowledged his legitimacy for isolation. I mean, his coworkers were recoiling in horror all week, while his roommates made some really funny mean comments. In another instance, he went to the store to buy stuff, and the cashier refused to bag his items! Poor baby! I couldn't help laughing at him even as I shuddered and demanded he look away every time he flashed his pulsating peepers in my direction. We ended up staying in all weekend and watching three movies (Gone Baby Gone, Michael Clayton, and Eastern Promises--all amazing and I highly recommend them).

infected in real life eyes

See, I told you. Gross. But he's fully recovered now. For a moment there, I kept insisting that it couldn't possibly be pink eye, because it was so intense. He said he'd wake up and his lids would be stuck together from all the shit his eyes would ooze throughout the night. Sexy! Whatever, don't feel too bad for him; the jerk has been clowning on my face ever since I started breaking out all hardcore (for a couple of months now). It could be karma for dumping him, haha. But seriously, what is going on!? I hit puberty over a decade ago! I would try a new skin care routine, but the last time I did that, Murad's Acne Complex fucked up my skin so badly that I swore to never cheat on Proactiv Solution again. I think it's calming down a bit, so I'll stick to it for another few months (especially since I just bought a new kit, haha). I suppose having a nice complexion just isn't in the cards for me.

Soak Up the Sun

Now, three weeks later, I'm going to write about Part II of my birthday, which was when I went kayaking. I know, I'm so freaking behind when it comes to blogging. Anyway, on the Sunday of my birthday weekend, I started with brunch at Bake 'n Broil with Isaac and Kristin (who had to cut her month of backpacking through Europe short because she fractured her ankle in Rome). We had a nice meal and caught up on some chit chat. Kristin couldn't come along because she was still dependent on crutches and her dad raised a ruckus about her being out on the water, so we bid her goodbye and dashed over to the beach at 2nd St.

Isaac the Jellyfish Slayer

Of course, we were the last to arrive, although I do admit everyone tried to be a good sport about it since it was my birthday, haha. I was hoping that since Isaac is a bodybuilder in the making, he would do most--if not all--of the work. I imagined sprawling out with my hands stretched behind my head, idly pointing out the picturesque properties of Naples Island, laughing carelessly with friends, while the muscular Jewish laborer behind me did all the propelling and sweating. Nope! That jackass turned all personal trainer mode on me, and pushed me to move my paddle faster than a Jedi knight wielding his lightsaber during the Battle of Yavin. To top it off, he killed a jellyfish! We went to the jellyfish cove, and he proceeded to lift one out of the water and place it on his knee. By the time he dropped it back into the water, it was the saddest blob ever.


But the weather was gorgeous, the area was beautiful, and the company was great. Phil, Matt, Jade and Sabrina drove up from San Diego to join us! And Trang, Sekina and Chris were really nice about being the only prompt ones and having to wait again for everyone else to arrive. By the time we started rowing back towards shore, the sun was beginning to set and it started getting a bit cold. We spent a little under two hours out in the water, and it cost each couple $25. It was a damn fine way to spend an afternoon, and the hiking/kayaking combo was a damn great way to turn 25 years old!

Walk It Out

Last last weekend, I turned twenty five. I celebrated by being athletic. Athleticism is something that's as elusive to me as underwear is to Britney Spears, as evidenced by my lack of breath and leg cramps each time I stomp up the two floors to my apartment. But, I wanted to do something different, and it turned out to be really fun!

On Saturday, we went hiking in Malibu, to see one of the hidden waterfalls within in the city. I actually woke up at 9:30am and dragged my groggy ass over to Isaac's. The meeting time was 11am, and although I am notorious for running late, it was nothing compared to Dre, Tim, and Jason, who arrived there at around 12:30pm. But Dre brought yummy sandwiches, and I wasn't expecting Jason since he'd been MIA for the past week, so I forgave him for being the one who pushed everything off schedule. I just felt bad for the others, since they had actually arrived promptly and were left defenseless against an old Jewish man who told them his entire life story.

The weather was perfect for a sweaty hike (cloudy and chilly), and the trail wasn't too arduous or lengthy. We started off walking by some jaw-droppingly opulent homes, and saw a hawk swoop down and catch prey. Then we ventured into nature, nimbly maneuvering over several streams. During the hike, Isaac managed to find a several edible mushrooms, tree mold, a little froggy, and a dead mole. We kept running into the cutest dogs, and it made me so bummed out that I didn't bring Pumpkin along (I thought she wouldn't be able to handle it, but I was wrong.) Considering it had rained the week prior, the waterfall was pretty loud and lush. However, it seriously smelled like shit around the base. What was up with that?!

We sat around and ate, despite the stench, and then posed for pictures. When Dre whipped out her digital SLR, everyone stepped back in awe. The quality of the pics from that thing are amazing, especially when you compare it side by side with the pics from Trang and Sekina's point-and-shoot cameras. But then again, Dre has this crazy talent for photography, so that helps. Just a bit. Then we headed back, and I'm pretty sure we were all feeling flushed and accomplished.

Oh yeah, and the old Jewish man who stopped to talk to us while we waited for everyone to show up? His stories were pretty fascinating. He was held in the concentration camps in Indonesia for several years. He claimed to have worked for the CIA. After he found out Isaac was Jewish too, he gave me a few pointers. "Just learn a few Hebrew phrases, and read a little bit of the Bible, and they'll accept you." And if that doesn't work? "Slip a rabbi $500, and he'll dip you right away in water and make you a Jew!" Good to know there's a shortcut to Gan Eden!

Anyway, this particular hike wasn't all that strenuous, but that was just part one of my birthday weekend. I'll discuss Sunday's activities in another post. I just wanted to say that a birthday without alcohol and forced singing is pretty damn awesome. And now Dre and I (and even Trang!) are all motivated to go on more hikes, especially since we discovered so many others as we were researching for this one. I hope really do try a few more, because this was a really enjoyable excursion. I'm serious, Dre! Let's DO this!