Fuck Me Pumps

The Spoofy in Bone, $125 $29.94

All Charles by Charles David shoes are a mere $30 at 6pm.com (sister site of Zappos) right now! I currently have all these open browser tabs with shoes, and it's agonizing having to choose among them. And by agonizing, I mean like the "tie me up and never stop spanking that hot ass" kind of excruciating.

The Chuckle in Dark Brown, $279 $29.94

The Zora in Black, $142 $29.94

And for a little cherry on top, Hard Candy has 75% off the entire site right now. You know you remember the old school nail polishes with the signature jelly rings! Who can say no to value-priced makeup?! (ME. That's who. I have waaay too many products for my face. But you, enjoy. It's a celebration, bitches!)

Vintage Nail Polish $7 $1.75 each

Hot Stuff

I was browsing Agent Provocateur's 50% off sale, when one of the models caught my eye. Lo and behold, it's the fabulous Maggie Gyllenhaal! I absolutely adore her! Ever since Secretary, one of my all-time favorite movies ever, I have had the utmost respect for her as an actress. (Not to mention two whole wet dreams about James Spader. Oomf.) I love seeing the sexy, sultry side of her. You rock, Mags!


Oh yeah, and her ensemble in the pic? It's called Francois, and the set of bra and panties is a mere $147. Yeah, that's after the 50% discount. Yowza!

Free Your Mind

Suh-weet! I just found a deal for a one year subscription (6 issues 'cause it's bimonthly) price of $17.95 to Mental Floss--and my last issue (pictured) just came in the mail yesterday. It says it's a limited time offer, but this post was from 2006, and the link still works. This magazine is so worth it! The two times I've brought a copy up to the salon, it was stolen within two days. Even Trang loves it, and she's one of those solely US Weekly and People bitches. Check out their blog some time; it's a great indication of the type and tone of articles you receive in the mag. Three recent articles I found noteworthy (among many) are "Mutual Funds to Match Your Lifestyle" (link), "7 Imposters" (link), and "7 Works of Art That Are Taking a Beating" (link). Because this is where knowledge junkies get their fix.

Wear You Out

LR Delia Snakeskin in Taupe $430

Loeffler Randall has recently branched out into boots and clothing, but what really started it all for the brand were the beautifully crafted, astronomically priced flats. One pair could cut you back 300+ dollars, but when you'd slip one on, you'd feel where that money goes (lining the pockets of the smirking company, duh). Then you'd cry into your Forever 21 shopping bag because paying that much for shoes that don't even have a 24K gold stiletto heel or splashy red soles just hurts. Which is why I've never owned any of their stuff. Until Target!

Thank you, Target. Thank you for your brilliant Go International campaign, for putting cheap fabrics into the hands of world-famous designers to make attire for the regular folks. You have brought fashion to the poor, ugly masses, and for that, we are eternally grateful. And now, it gets even better. Because Target's Loeffler Randall collection, already cheap from the start, is currently 75% off. Oh, happy day!

These satchels were originally priced at $49.99. Now, they're only $12.49! I ordered both colors, and I'm just going to keep one. I'll probably give the other one to my mom. For a rich lady, she tends to walk around lugging plastic bags like the world's a perpetual flea market. This should spice up her outfit a bit, and it's probably cheaper than some of those hideously printed fabric bags she carries on occasion!

I bought those black ballet flats full price when this collection first debuted, and I haven't even worn them yet! I should've just waited, because they've dropped from $29.99 to $7.49. So with that in mind, I had to order the pink pair on the bottom. I love them. I love them! I don't care if B hates flats! Seven forty-nine! I should buy more, but I'm being realistic here. I bought the black pair back in January and haven't worn them, so I'm not going to go crazy with all the different colors and styles. I'll leave that to you.

Last but not least, all the clutches are now $4.99, instead of $19.99. Five freakin' dollars for some of the cutest stuff ever! But the only one I indulged in was the woven clutch in cream, which I'll probably return because the reviews aren't that great, and I've never seen them in person at the store. We'll see how it goes when everything arrives in the mail. Go spoil yourselves with some $7 flats, bitches!

L.E.S. Artistes

Ok, let's see how many blogs I can squeeze in right now. If I can do one more after this one, I'll feel pretty accomplished. I really should be showering 'cause I'm durty-durty, but B hasn't called yet so I think he's still getting drunk at McCormick & Schmick's happy hour. Anyway, remember my blog about Shopbop's amazing sale, and how I was supposed to get all up on that? I didn't end up buying anything from there! However, what I did manage to procure makes me 10x happier than any dress that would've hung up in my closet for eons.

See, what happened was, I really couldn't decide which color of the KZ dress to buy. So I called up B's European, fashion-conscious ass, because I value his opinion. He was in Ireland at the time, but luckily right by his laptop. Well, he proceeded to just bitch me out. "What is this?! It's so ugly! It looks like a curtain! There's no form to it at all! Why do you always insist on wearing fat girl clothes?! You cannot buy this." While I completely disagreed, and while I still think that dress is cute, I couldn't stomach purchasing it, knowing how much he hated it. After all, I haven't bought one stitch of brown clothing in the past three years because B deems the hue unflattering on me!

However, my disappointment dissipated when I checked my email right after we got off the phone. A few days earlier, I had made an inquiry to Gallery 1988 in San Francisco regarding their Stella Im Hultberg mini print set. I didn't think they would have any left, but the email reassured me that plenty were still available. I placed an order right then and there, before I could change my mind. I'm so stoked! I received four beautiful 4x5 prints for about $96 shipped:

Aren't they stunning?! They're signed and a limited edition of 500. I'm pretty sure there are some left, too! So, instead of clothes, I bought some art, and I'm pretty darn pleased with my purchase. I'm going to close out this post with a couple of my favorite pieces from her last solo show:

Lost Unfound

Vera

Stop and Stare

I've been a Shopbop fan for several years now. This is the first time I've seen them give out a code for an additional 30% off their sale items (30MORE). The true extent of this economy has just now fully hit me. Bear Stearns can go crashing down in value, the real estate market can implode, gas and food can rise to astronomical proportions--nope, it's all nothing compared to Shopbop trying desperately to liquidate their inventory. This isn't an April Fool's Day joke, people. It's real. It's happening. God help us.

Well, I'm going to do my part to fight this looming recession--by shopping! And I'm going to highlight some of the cutest stuff I found. However, in the interest of saving time and our wallets, I'm only showing items under $50. I know! Shopbop hardly ever has stuff under $50, and I managed to find a handful of adorable wares! Naturally, the nicest apparel is all still over $100, but I'm pretty impressed with being able to find a satisfactory selection in such a low price range. These things go fast though, so don't be surprised if everything is sold out by the time you start searching. Oh, and free shipping! Gotta love that!

C&C California Tonal Dots Bold Tank: Yes, just a basic tank top but with polka dots! I heart polka dots, so much that I can almost comprehend why Damien Hirst's spot paintings can command over a million bucks apiece, despite the fact that the guy has done almost a thousand of them! But I digress. $48 $16.80

Parballe Keyhole Tee: I really dig this t-shirt! It's not cute enough to justify the original retail price, but it comes close. The metallic print rocks, and I adore extra touches like the embroidered keys on the upper back of the tee. The semi-sheer quality is nice too. $99 $20.79

Miki Tanaka Square Rings: Aren't these gorgeous? I never buy jewelry because I'm prone to losing them within 24 hours, but this is really tempting. I love how unique they are; they seem both delicately wrought and solidly designed. My favorite is the one that dangles, but that shit would snap off in no time. I have really bad luck when it comes to keeping around my accessories. $176 $36.96 (#2)

KZ Jersey Drape Cowl Neck Dress: Oomf. Last Christmas, I helped Phil pick out a KZ dress for Jade, one that I absolutely adored. Then in February, it went on sale. I mulled for twenty minutes, and it sold out under my very nose. While this dress isn't as cute as the one that got away, I do like it, and I'll be damned if I let it get sold out again! But I can't decide what color! Green isn't really my hue, but it looks so good on the model that it's fooling me into believing I could pull it off. I love the gray, but it's spring now! Decisions, decisions. $187 $39.27

T-Bags Solid Turtleneck Open Back Mini Dress: T-Bags usually has some crazy prints going on with their clothes, stuff a boring person such as myself can never wear. So it's a pleasant surprise to see they've made what would be a basic closet staple (turtleneck dress), but with a sexy twist. While I love the concept of open back apparel, I don't own any such items. Why not? Because I like being able to comfortably wear a bra. I don't want to have to go out and buy those bras that paste to each boob. Still, every time I see bare-back stuff, I want it. $202 $42.42

Just What I Needed

I have to admit that I'm pretty proud of my knack for picking gifts. It's probably because both B and Phil rave about my choices, and they're the two smartest people I know. Okay, okay, stop grumbling; I realize that selecting a good gift has less to do with intellect and more about creativity and/or consideration. Gift cards are the lazy way to go about it. When buying presents for people, I rely on either my memory or my knack of searching all over the world wide web for that really nifty toy.

Anyway, this post is just for what I got B for Christmas. I'll do it in the order I gave it to him. We always give them in order of smallest to nicest. I get him undies every Christmas (though he never remembers that), and in '06 it was a Calvin Klein pair. This time, I got Hugo Boss, and I gave him black ones just so they would last longer. You know how dirty Europeans can be! (And if you don't know...well, they're pretty filthy.) He proudly pronounced them to be the nicest pair in his collection.

Next up was a color changing weather forecaster clock from Radioshack. It used to drive me nuts in the winter time when B would wake up for work and turn on his computer just to check the weather to see if he could take his bike, and then leave the energy-sucker on the entire day. So this clock somehow forecasts the weather and displays it with a certain color (blue for rain, red for sunny, etc.). How does it work? I have no idea. I never bothered reading it. It just sounded cool. He can have a good time figuring out how to set it up, haha. The pic I found makes the clock look all delicate and pastel-like; I think the real colors actually are a lot less fruity.

Then, I gave him a couple items from Armani Exchange. First was a shirt that looks better online, so I'm going to return it. B was debating keeping it, but then decided he has so many shirts that unless it's something he really likes, he might as well refrain from hoarding. But he loved the cream colored sweater, so I'm glad I got something right! (On a side note, I had a horrible experience ordering from A|X, and I won't be going back for a very long time. That's right, I'm a huffy consumer, and I am withholding my purchasing power from this crappy company!)

Finally, I broke out the climactic gift: a Hugo Boss sports coat. Here's the story behind that. I had purchased it earlier in the year, and fretted on and off whether or not it was a nice blazer. Some days I'd look at it and think, "He'll love it!" and then other times I'd sadly wail, "It's awful! He'll hate it!" One time, I left it hanging on my canopy bed and forgot all about it. He actually came and spent the night with it just hanging there. It had the opaque plastic protector on, but still, you could pretty much tell what it was. The next morning, I burst into tears when I realized what I had done, and he had to soothe me and say, "It's ok, baby! I have no idea exactly what it is! I'll still be surprised!" I'm an idiot. But it's okay, because he ended up loving it, and it looks so good on him! He looks like a dashing Belgian prince, haha. (It's not exactly the coat pictured, but it's close in both style and color.)

Last but not least, I had a surprise finale for him. It doesn't top the sports coat, but I saved it for last since he already knew he was getting some sort of jacket/top from Hugo Boss. When we were in Paris back in September, we walked by a watch shop and he totally checked out this Diesel watch. I remember thinking it was ugly, because it had all these unsightly lines across the face. But he thought it was cool, and I kept note of it. Flash forward a couple of months, and I was searching frantically for it on the internet. I ended up settling for the watch pictured, which I wasn't 100% sure was the one he liked, but it was the only watch I could find with lines across the face. But I really like the look of this one, and all that matters is that B loves it too. :)

Bag Lady

Oh MAN...Rebecca Minkoff is having a sample sale this Sunday--right when I work! It's a blessing in disguise, because I really should not be buying anything, especially when I just bought one. The bag I'm totally coveting is the Morning After Mini (see pic on right), but word on the street is that this sample sale will have mostly the larger versions of that style. So it's ok. I can wait. I gotta work on my willpower anyway, so why not apply it to materialistic urges? As for the bag that I already have, it's the super cute Dream Clutch (see pic on left), that B yelled at me for buying when he snooped and saw the Rebecca Minkoff label inside the bag, lol. But it's such a cute and convenient everyday bag, and it wasn't atrociously priced or anything. And B, if you see this, don't get any ideas. You've already spoiled me enough for Christmas, and I will be pissed if you don't calm it down. And my next post will be all about that, so wait for it.

Read My Mind

I just spent $81.08 on books. That's typically about five to six novels, right? Maybe a couple less if some new hardcovers are in the mix, or maybe a couple more if I got them on some sort of promotion. Well, I happen to have a shipment from B&N that contains twenty paperbacks. ::beam:: That makes each book only slightly more than four bucks!

Every once in a while, B&N has 50% off its classics collection. Last year, I was in the store and bought five. But this year, I caught it online and I went buckwild. Heavy, erudite works delivered up the four flights of stairs to my doorstep with no shipping charges?! Hellz yeeah! Expanding both my brain and my fat ass in one fell swoop? Hot damn, I'm in!

I'm proud of each and every one of my new lovers, and I plan to spend many nights in bed with them. And not necessarily one at a time. ::wink::

The Damn Baby I'm Taking You Home Tonight ones:

The I Wanted You Someday But I Can Have You Now ones:


The You So Cheap How Can I Say No ones:


Finally, the I'm Getting a Double Order So I Can Tag Team ones:

The last two I just bought an extra copy to give to B to read with me. Our first book together was Dostoevsky's The Idiot, so I'm sure we could handle Anna Karenina, and The Woman in White just seems like it'd be a fun read.

Here's a 2008 vow: I will not buy any further books this year until I complete all these new ones. I have a feeling Plato and Thucydides are going to hit me with one of those loooong, numbingly exhausting sessions where I'll have grit my teeth, take it, and fake enjoyment in the end. Or, as I like to call it, my sex life before the vibrator my boyfriend.